The Family That Came Back To Church After Leaving For 10 Years

Recently I watched the journey of a family who came back to church after 10 years. Before their daughter, Kailey, took her first steps into the water, I spoke at her baptism. Then I stood in the circle as she was confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. At 17 years old, her path has never been so clear. At 17 years old, she wept tears of peace and joy unlike at any other time in her life. There was a feeling there in that room that was undeniable. The trajectory that she is on now is unmistakable.

Within a day, Kailey’s brother Braeden wanted to join her in those healing waters. And then there was their parents… Brock and Michelle. They were all dressed in white. A life of ups and downs, smiles and frowns. They came through a crucible. Lots of pain. Lots of sorrow. Lots of sleepless nights. But here they were. Making their way back. Sifting through the noise. Resolving concerns. Listening to a still small voice. Seeing God’s hand in their lives.

These two parents were coming back to the church that they once loved and bringing their children with them.

It’s hard for me to describe how much respect I have for those that come back to church after having been gone for so long. When someone leaves the church, it’s usually not done lightly. Whatever the reason they’ve left, it’s usually done with a great deal of internal suffering and turmoil despite what you might see on the surface. It’s a big deal for them. Most people in that position wouldn’t dispute that. Many describe it as the hardest time of their life.

Regardless of the circumstance, it takes a massive act of vulnerability and humility to step your foot back in that building. To show your face. To wonder what the reception will be like. To ignore the cultural quirks that might have bothered you a decade ago. To overcome the few that will make assumptions about you.

There are at this moment thousands, hundreds of thousands, and if I know my numbers on church attendance correctly, likely millions of people out there who have at one time had a burning testimony of the gospel but do not attend church anymore. They are some of the most amazing people, with good hearts, strong minds, and a desire to do good. These people were so important to Alma in his day that he literally gave up his judgment seat and political power to spend his life ministering to these very people on a full-time basis. That’s how important this group of people are.

I’m reminded of that every time I see this family and know of their goodness.

Brock grew up in a devout LDS household but would describe a complicated and strained relationship with his family. When Brock got home from serving a mission, he eventually met Michelle. Michelle’s exposure to the church came by way of an unofficial adoption into an LDS family in Orange County, California. They treated her as their own, and she was able to experience the joy of a tight-knit loving family. Michelle experienced a “family home evening” almost every night of her life in this family and she loved the gospel.

Brock and Michelle were married and sealed in the historic Manti temple and were on what is commonly referred to as “the covenant path.”

They quickly had a couple kids and were on their way to building an eternal family. But a few years into their marriage, Brock and Michelle had a series of events take place in their life that would challenge their testimonies of the gospel and of the Restored Church.

As a commercial contractor, Brock was tasked with working on the Ogden Temple remodel. And at that exact time, Michelle started reading a book called The Work and The Glory. As she was reading that book, she began to come across some things in church history that she wasn’t aware of. And so she said to herself, “I’m going to go and try to learn more about those things so that I can help others answer those questions if they ever come up in conversation.”

Michelle had no clue what type of rabbit hole she would end up going down. For 6 months, she scoured the internet looking for answers to her questions. Brock had no idea that she was going through this excercise. She was too embarrassed to bring it up and determined to find the answers before talking about it with Brock. But in those days, there were no Gospel Topic Essays and the culture at the time wasn’t as open to questioning as it is now. She asked institute teachers, bishops, and trusted leaders about some of her questions and concerns. She described feeling a sort of shame as she did so. Like, “you shouldn’t be asking those questions” or “let me bear my testimony” in response to a question without giving a sincere response to the actual question itself.

It was a tricky time for Brock and Michelle’s generation. The Church was coming into the information age, an internet age, where anything could be published without verification or review. Truth, truth mixed with error, and straight-up lies could all be published and perused by anyone at anytime. For 6 months, Michelle became more and more disappointed with her lack of answers, until one day she finally asked Brock for help. Brock responded the same way that everyone else responded. He went to bear his testimony without attempting to answer the questions. This became the cultural norm for a period of time between the 1980’s until about 2010. Even Elder Ballard felt the need to address the mode of answering sincere gospel or policy questions when he said, “Gone are the days when a student asked an honest question and a teacher responded, “Don’t worry about it!” Gone are the days when a student raised a sincere concern and a teacher bore his or her testimony as a response intended to avoid the issue. Gone are the days when students were protected from people who attacked the Church.”

After Brock bore his testimony to Michelle, he secretly embarked on his own journey for answers. He wanted to be a good husband. He wanted to help Michelle and provide some good answers. Provide some peace. Michelle would see him on the computer, night after night, diligently scouring the internet for answers to some of the questions that she asked. At night, on his lunch breaks, and any free time that he had was consumed with searching for answers. This went on for about 3 weeks, and in despair, he went to Michelle one night and apologized to her. He said, “I can’t find any answers and now I just have more questions.” It was then and there that Brock decided that he couldn’t do it anymore. He was done with church. Brock, the builder, the commercial contractor, the fixer upper by trade, couldn’t fix the most important dilemma of his life, and all the walls came tumbling down. Frustration had turned to anger as he stood over the spiritual rubble.

After that night, Michelle went back to the basics. For a year and a half, she went deep into the scriptures, praying and weeping and wishing and fasting for answers. But most of all, she wanted comfort for her husband Brock. She saw the turmoil in him and it was tearing her up inside.

Over time, Brock and Michelle decided to leave the Church. It was disastrous for Brock’s relationship with his parents and family and to this day, they have not been in contact. There could be no greater pain, no greater suffering, no greater darkness than what was taking place inside of Brock’s soul. The relationships that he built over the first 20 years of his life seemed to be invalidated. The mission he served seemed to now represent an utter waste of his time. He felt completely hopeless. He went to agnosticism and then to atheism and swore off a life of faith in God.

On the other end of the spectrum, Michelle’s adopted family had become true family. She feared breaking the news to them about their departure from the Church. But her fear and extreme anxiety was quickly laid to rest when within 1 hour, Vicky, the matriarch of the family, called Michelle and told her she had heard the news. These were the first words Michelle heard when she picked up the phone: “Michelle… you know we’ll love you no matter what, right?” Michelle said that she will never forget those words. To this day, they are etched in her soul.

Within two weeks, Craig, the patriarch of that family, invited Brock to come and play golf with him. Brock remembers the fear and anxiety of that moment. He and Michelle assumed that there would be a 3-4 hour lecture coming, or at least the amount of time that elapses in between golf shots. Instead, Craig spent the entire time focusing on the good inside of Brock. That he was a good man. A good father. A good husband. A hard worker. Nothing about Church. No lecture (and this man loves to lecture). No scrutiny. No shame. No arguing. Just the occasional golf shot and pure unconditional love. Craig had the emotional intelligence and the wherewithal to know that this was a time to wrap his arms around this man and just love him for all that he is.

After that golf outing and over the course of the next 10 years, Brock and Michelle experienced life without the Church. When their daughter Kailey and son Braden turned 8, they got reactions from both types of people. Some loved them and supported them, but some jeered and judged. And so ultimately they moved away from Utah to Texas in hopes of starting a new life away from the Church.

Michelle’s adopted family continued to love Michelle and Brock. Whether in Utah or in Texas, they stayed close and showed that they would care for them and love them regardless of their status in the Church. In tears, Michelle told me that this love that was shown to Brock by her family would become pivotal for him. They would become the only family that he had. She could literally see the healing taking place inside of Brock as this consistency of love was shown to their family. There was no threat, no sending them conference talks, no “we’ll pray for you” comments, no condescension. It was just… “we see you, and we love you, and we’ll be here for you no matter what.”

While in Texas, Brock and Michelle felt a pull to be back in Utah. They had many options and offers surrounding Brock’s successful career, but each of them felt “the need” to be back in Utah. So they packed up, once again, and made their journey back to the Beehive State. In their new neighborhood they found things to be similar to how they were before they left. A few neighbors who were suspicious of them… and then a few neighbors who offered genuine friendship with no caveats. It would be those neighbors who would begin to pave the path back home for Brock and Michelle’s family.

For years, Michelle would be praying for Brock. Not necessarily that he would go back to Church, but that his heart could heal. There was lots of pain there. Lots of baggage from the past. Lots of complexity with his family and all of those things revolved around Church life and culture. It wasn’t just “The Church” that he had problems with. They attended many other churches… but none of them brought him any peace. Michelle kept feeling like “he needed more time away.” Time in the desert. Time in the wilderness.

But Brock was healing. Slowly. Skeptically. Maybe even a little cynically.  But healing nonetheless.

And then one day the local bishop stopped by the house and found Brock working in the front yard. After some small talk, the bishop made a simple invite to Brock by saying: “The missionaries were just at our house and shared a great message with us… would it be alright if I sent them over to share that message with your family?”

Brock looked at the bishop and straight out said “No… I’m good. I don’t want the missionaries to come over here.” Brock wasn’t having any of it. A little embarrassed, but still kind, the bishop respected Brock’s request and told him to have a great day.

At about this same time, Kailey, Brock and Michelle’s oldest daughter, had been trudging through some difficult times. She’d always been a really good girl. Kind and empathetic. Emotionally intelligent. Not inclined to getting into trouble. But she’d been through a lot in her teenage years, including a traumatic brain injury that took place while being the flyer on her cheer squad. Her mom described her as “emotionally unsettled” at this time in her life. Her state of happiness hung in the balance at 17 years old and the future was worrisome to her parents.

But then Kailey, at the invitation of a friend, found herself sitting in a chair listening to a missionary speak about the atonement. The missionary did not know Kailey at all. Did not know her background. Did not know her struggles. Did not know her pain. But this missionary, as if given a revelation from God, spoke directly to Kailey and named every single one of the struggles and pains that she had been privately going through in a way that could not have been known by any person on this earth. It was as if God himself reached out to Kailey through this missionary and told her everything that she needed to know at that exact moment. She felt the Spirit in that moment in a way she’d never felt before.

Her mom described Kailey as a different person when she came home and walked through their doors. “You could just see that her countenance had changed and that she was completely different” said Michelle. “She was just exuding this feeling of peace.”  Kailey looked Michelle in the eyes and said “Mom… I have never before felt like God loved me. But at this moment right now… I KNOW THAT HE LOVES ME. I JUST KNOW IT.”

Michelle said “there is nothing more difficult as a parent than watching your child suffer and not knowing how to fix it.” Brock and Michelle tried everything to help her “heal emotionally” from some of the trauma she had been going through, “but nothing healed her until she had felt the Spirit.” Michelle described her as a totally different person now. “She sought out different friends. Listened to different music. She’s so happy!”

Maybe the most life changing realization Kailey came to was surrounding her identity. Michelle said that “for 10 years, Kailey identified herself as a cheerleader. But for the first time in her life, now she identified herself as a daughter of God.” When Michelle saw this transformation in Kailey, it moved her. It reinvigorated her love for the gospel. She was witnessing a miracle. She was witnessing the promise Joseph Smith made that “God will feel after you, and He will take hold of you and wrench your very heart strings.” When Kailey said she wanted to go to Church to “learn for herself” about the gospel and the restoration, Michelle wanted her family support her, and also find out for themselves if they might find some of the answers that they had previously sought out.

So Michelle hesitantly approached Brock and asked him if he’d be willing to try and go to church. His answer was quick and decisive: “Yeah… we could try that.” But Brock was still hesitant. His first order of business was to ask the bishop if he would be willing to come over to their house. Brock was so nervous, but this kind and loving bishop had shown such Christlike love in the past, that it eased Brocks mind and allowed him to open up. So the bishop showed up, sat on the couch, and just listened. Brock unloaded a lifetime on this good bishop. He gave him his life’s story. And told him exactly where he was at right now. And the bishop just met him there. With transparency about his own family life and struggles, he met him exactly where he was and emotionally threw his arms around him. There was no power trip. No front. Not an ounce of judgement in his glance or in his tone. Just pure love from this bishop.

After their chat with the bishop, Brock and Michelle began to look at some of the topics that had previously bothered them. What they found was that the Church had fully committed to transparency. They found the Gospel Topic Essays, The Joseph Smith Papers, and many other projects that were aimed at being open and honest. They learned that not every question would be answered, and that they didn’t need an answer to every question that they had. The spirit of transparency that they now found was comforting enough. They were being led by the Spirit back to Church. God was reaching out to them and they were listening. They had “seen it all.” They were a part of all the ex-Mormon groups and forums. They read all of the critical literature of our time. They were gone. 10 years removed. Didn’t need to come back. But now they’re back. And now they’re already helping people who might have been in a similar situation or circumstance. Their bishop said to them, “You are needed here. And you will be able to help many others along the way.”

Michelle knew that half the people they knew were going to be mad because they left the Church and half the people they knew were going to be mad when they decided to come back. “I’m going to tick everyone off with the decisions that I made. And that’s ok. Because my journey is not for anyone else to judge. My journey was between myself and God. And I am positive at this point that He is proud of me. And that’s all that matters.”

Michelle’s son Braeden didn’t initially want to be baptized. Lots of his friends at school (in Utah nonetheless) were telling him all of the reasons why he shouldn’t. But Braeden came to his mom and said, “Mom… I’m ready to be baptized.” Michelle was taken back because of his initial reluctance. Braeden said, “I saw Kailey be truly happy. She is really happy… and I want to feel the happiness she feels.”  Michelle had tears stream down her face. “I could tell that this was good for my kids.” It was undeniable. Brock and Michelle, like Braeden, were also watching Kailey on her journey.

The past few years had been the hardest, darkest years of their lives. But the sun broke through and lit up the soul of this young woman, who in turn, lit up the souls of her family members. That’s what families are supposed to do. That’s what friends are supposed to do. “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.” said Spencer W. Kimball.

A father or mother, a brother or sister with no blood relation, a friend, a missionary, a bishop, a neighbor, a rando on social media… you might never know who has been sent to help, or who you might be sent to help.

“Welcome to our home” the sign in their living room says… with a lone image of the Savior beckoning to one of His sheep that was lost. Most of us have been lost at one time or another, and to one degree or another. All of us need Christ. All of us need His healing power in our lives.

When I asked Brock why he’s back at church, he said, “I came back to Church for two reasons: Because I want to be close to God again. And because I want to help people who might have been or are still in our situation.” There is a peace in their home, a sense of purpose in their home, and a spirit in their home like never before.

Kailey found the ultimate and undeniable peace that she had longed for all her life. It helped her heal from the chaos she experienced in her life. Michelle just wanted everyone in her family to be safe and happy, as most mothers do. Brock wanted to be close to God once again. And Braeden wanted to do what right and feel the same peace that Kailey felt.

This is a family that has come back to Church after 10 years. This is a family that “has felt to sing the song of redeeming love.” All you have to do is interact with them for a few minutes to know that it’s real. To know that what they’ve experienced constitutes a mighty change of heart.

A few weeks after their baptism, they asked if we could take them to the temple. Brock and Michelle are patiently waiting for the day that they can walk back through those temple doors and ascend those stairs into a sealing room to bind their family for time and eternity. But in the mean time, Kailey and Braeden are going to be doing work for their ancestors.

One of Kailey’s favorite quotes is from Elder Uchtdorf. He said, “Try to truly see everyone around you as a child of God. Minister to them—regardless of whether their names appear on your ministering sister or brother list. Laugh with them. Rejoice with them. Weep with them. Respect them. Heal, lift, and strengthen them. Strive to emulate the love of Christ and have compassion for others—even to those who are unkind to you, who mock you and wish to cause you harm. Love them and treat them as fellow children of Heavenly Father.”

Because of the people who surrounded this family, and because of their willingness to apply the teachings of Christ, this family was able to take those initial steps back to Church. 10 years. 10 years!

My admiration for this family cannot be captured with words. Their courage and goodness will bless this Church, their family, and the world for generations to come.