In the business world, there’s an acronym that goes by the name of BHAG. It stands for a “Big Hairy Audacious Goal.”
This saying represents something so big, so out of this world hard to accomplish, that few even try. It’s just too hard for most people.
This seemingly impossible goal, in my opinion, is made up of two of the most difficult things a person will ever overcome. Those two things consist of finding a way to love your enemies and controlling the words that come out of your mouth.
Before I left on my mission, I decided to memorize the sermon on the mount. It’s Matthew chapters 5,6, and 7. As I was memorizing that block of scripture, I began to notice the structure and order of the teachings the Savior was giving to the people.
He said “Blessed” are all of these groups of people…
He told them to be a light to the world. The salt of the earth.
He warned against hypocrisy, not committing adultery, or killing, or taking the Lord’s name in vain.
And before long, you’re at the end of Matthew Chapter 5 where Jesus is asking us to “be ye therefore perfect.”
The word “perfect”, in the original Greek is the word “telios” which actually means to be “complete.”
So, in the original Greek, the Savior’s words in Matthew 5:48 would actually read “Be ye therefore ‘complete’ even as your Father in heaven is ‘complete’.”
But right before Jesus asks us to become “perfect” or “complete,” he throws down the gauntlet.
It would be the last thing you’d master before becoming like God.
He said:
44 Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Many of us have a hard time just loving someone who has given us even a simple offense.
Maybe they…
Cut us off on the road
Vote differently
Make us look dumb in public
Post a differing opinion on social media
Steal our parking spot on a Saturday morning at the ski resort on a powder day… (I think I’ve said some unkind words a time or two.)
Can you imagine the sort of trivial things that cause us to not like various people?
Do we love… or let alone like… or even tolerate these people? But now take it one step further. Think of someone who has:
Taken everything from you.
Ruined your life.
Caused deep physical, emotional, or mental pain.
Hurt you over and over again.
Spit in your face.
Think of someone who you’ve done everything for. Who you’ve loved. Who you’ve cared for. Even washed their feet. And yet… they betray you for something trivial.
Imagine someone who is driving nails into your wrists, your hands, and your feet. They’ve smashed thorns into your skull after ripping chunks of flesh off of your back 39 times. They might even pour some vinegar into your wounds… just for fun… while they laugh and spit at you some more.
How could you ever love someone like that? How could you ever hang on the cross for someone like that?
For someone who hates you. Who annoys you. Who disagrees with you. For someone who talks about you behind your back. For someone who treats you like dirt.
Are you willing to hang on the cross for them? The way Christ did for his accusers and for countless others who have cursed his name throughout history.
He continues in the Sermon on the Mount…
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
That’s BHAG number 1. It’s easy to love your friends. The people who are nice to you. It’s hard to love your enemies. The people who are mean to you.
But those are the exact people whom the Savior is challenging us to love.
That is the kind of love that makes us “complete” men and women.
This leads me to BHAG number 2… controlling the words that come out of our mouth.
Self mastery over your words will precede the Christlike love that is required to love your enemies.
The Savior turned an old Jewish belief on its head when he said that it’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you, but what goes out of your mouth.
Our words are a leading indicator of how we will treat others.
James, the half brother of Jesus says:
For in many things we offend all. If any man (or woman) offend not in word, the same is a ‘perfect’ man or woman, and able also to bridle the whole body.
In order to become a perfect or complete man or woman, according to James, we need to learn how to control what comes out of our mouth.
The school yard chant, “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me” is just not true.
Instead, this teaching from the Apocrypha is much more realistic when it says: “The stroke of the whip maketh marks in the flesh: but the stroke of the tongue breaketh the bones.”
The words we say will echo for an eternity in the ears of those we say them to. A thousand kind words are like the bricks used to construct a beautiful building.
But one mean spiteful remark is like one swing of the wrecking ball, capable of obliterating what might have taken years to construct.
Carelessly spoken words are almost always the ignition switch for the great tragedies in our lives.
Everything from small skirmishes, to suicide, to world wars. Words are the catalyst for heartbreaking destruction.
20 seconds worth of an unbridled tongue can be responsible for breaking up marriages, families, friendships, brothers and sisters, mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, business partnerships, and church membership.
James continues:
Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
The tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: that it defileth the whole body.
For everything hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
To make matters worse, we often speak the meanest to the people closest to us. The people we love the most and are supposed to treat the best.
We know them better than anyone and therefore know exactly what to say to inflict the most damage.
Elder Packer told a story of an elderly woman whom he home taught in his young adult years. After bringing her some of her favorite ice cream, she sat him down and told him the story of her life.
Married to a great man.
Started a cute little family.
A call to open the mission field in one of the continents of the world.
A happy mission.
A great life.
Then Elder Packer said that “She focused in on a Monday morning, a blue dreary wash day, gray and cloudy outside. Cross children, little irritations, a poor meal, and finally an innocent remark by one snapped up by the other. And soon husband and wife were speaking crossly and critically to one another. As he left for work, she said, I just had to follow him to the gate and call that one last biting spiteful remark after him.
And then as the tears came, she told me of an accident that day and he didn’t return for work.
For 50 years she’s sobbed… “I’ve regretted that the last words he ever heard from my lips was that one last biting spiteful remark.”
In a similar story, Will Carleton in his 1881 book Farm Festivals told of a father leaving his cabin on the frontier.
After a few irritating experiences looking for a cow that often escaped into the woods, this father made some sarcastic and demeaning remark to his wife before he left, saying that maybe this time she could tend the cow, insinuating that she was previously incapable.
In the devastated and poetic words of this man, he recounted a few fateful moments with his sweetheart:
Flash-quick the stay-chains of my temper broke,
And in a trice these hot words I had spoke:
‘You ought to’ve kept the animals in view,
And drove ‘em in; you had nothing else to do.
The heft of all our life on me must fall;
You just lie around, and let me do it all.’
That speech—it hadn’t been gone a half a minute,
Before I saw the cold black poison in it.
And I’d have given all I had, and more,
To’ve only got it back in-door. . . .
She handed back no words, as I could hear;
She didn’t frown—she didn’t shed a tear;
Half proud, half crushed, she stood and looked me o’er,
Like someone she’d never seen before.”
That night, too proud to apologize, he went to bed with the issue unresolved.
The next morning, on his way to work he said…
“So, with a short ‘Good-bye,’ I shut the door,
And left her as I never had before.”
That afternoon, sensing an oncoming storm, he left work early and hurried home.
“Half out of breath, the cabin door I swung,
With tender heart-words trembling on my tongue;
But all looked desolate and bare;
My house had lost its soul—she was not there!
A penciled note was on the table spread,
And these are something like the words it said:
‘The cows have strayed away again, I fear;
I watched them pretty close; don’t scold me, dear
And where they are, I think I nearly know:
I heard the bell not very long ago
I’ve hunted them all the afternoon;
I’ll try once more—I think I’ll find them soon.
Dear, if a burden I have been to you,
And haven’t helped as I ought to do,
Let old-time memories my forgiveness plead;
I’ve tried to do my best—I have, indeed.
Darling, piece out with love the strength I lack,
and have kind words for me when I get back.’”
Just as he finished reading her note, he heard the thunder—and the storm swept in.
“As if the ocean waves had lost its way;
Scarcely a pause the thunder-battle made,
In the bold clamor of its cannonade.
And she, while I was sheltered, dry and warm,
Was somewhere in the clutches of this storm!
She who, when storm-frights found her at her best,
Had always hid her face on my breast!”
He rushed out, with his dog, frantically searching for her…
All night we dragged the woods without avail;
The ground got drenched—we could not keep the trail.
Three times again my cabin home I found,
Half hoping she might be there, safe and sound;
But each time ‘twas an unavailing care:
My house had lost its soul; she was not there!
Three times he came back to the house in the night while searching… hoping she came back. But in the morning, he heard the sound of a bell, the cow near the cabin with the cabin door ajar. She had been out all night, searching for the cows, leading them back, but died in the storm before making it back home.
Yes, she had come—and gone again. She lay
With all her young life crushed and wrenched away—
Lay—the heart-ruins of our home among—
Not far from where I killed her with my tongue.
And midst the tears—brave tears—that one could trace
Upon the pale but sweetly resolute face,
I once again the mournful words could read—
‘I’ve tried to do my best—I have indeed!’”
The author then plead for others to learn from this story with these last six lines:
Boys flying kites haul in their white wing birds.
You can’t do that when you’re flying words,
‘Careful with fire’ is good advice, we know
‘Careful with words’ is 10 times doubly so.
Thoughts unexpressed may sometimes fall back dead,
But God himself can’t kill them once they’re said.
That is BHAG number 2. Full and total control over the words that come out of my mouth.
I want to be the kind of person that never says anything bad about another person. Ever.
No negativity
No eye rolls
No attitude
No bad body language
Not even an innocent insinuation.
I want my words to be a fountain and not a drain.
Read that email five times before you send it. That text… ask yourself if you really want that spoken into existence. Don’t let your pride make that decision for you.
I think it was David O. McKay, where people just knew not to say negative things about others in his presence. He just didn’t engage in it or tolerate it.
I want to be the sort of person that finds the good and then speaks the good.
Our words can be a deadly poison, but they can also be life saving.
For BHAG #1… Find someone who you don’t like, who annoys you, or who might be considered an enemy. Forgive them in your heart, reconcile, and be kind to them.
I know it’s easier said than done. Pride is stubborn. But it’s better than the poison you’re drinking right now. That is the Savior’s way.
For BHAG #2
At least once a day, say something nice to someone that you wouldn’t ordinarily say something nice to.
Go to a fastfood place or a grocery store or anywhere really. Look at their typical sad countenance as they stand behind the counter and take your order.
Take a minute, look them in the eye… and genuinely thank them for working and tell them that they’re amazing. Then watch them light up! Build them up and bless them.
Most people don’t have someone in their corner saying nice things to them and they are just one bad day away from throwing in the towel on life.
My hope is that you’ll join me in the pursuit of these Big Hairy Audacious Goals… and join the Savior on the road to perfection, completeness, and eternal happiness.
This is amazing!